i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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