Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
