Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
