meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
