You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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