Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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