Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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