apparently the secret to your success is patron
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
