well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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