So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
