OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
