Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
