just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
