you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize