Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
