i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
