I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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