apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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