the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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