I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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