lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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