Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
