I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Send help, water and tortillas.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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