Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
