we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
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He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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