I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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