I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
