Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
