chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
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