ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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