i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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