Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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