im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
