Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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