Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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