I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
