I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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