forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
