Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
