Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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