so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
farters have to be the big spoon...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
