two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
