three words: i give head
three words: not that well
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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