i would punch a child for taco bell
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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