I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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