when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
