yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
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It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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