my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
