The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
