Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
