this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
