did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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