Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
