my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
