cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Randomize
