that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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