I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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