I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
