My boss' voice literally gives me gas
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
