No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
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Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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