i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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