dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
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Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
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She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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