this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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