I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
