one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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