I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
