You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
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i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
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Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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