Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
